<< Looking back [#] `-
Friday, December 08, 2006
It's been ages since i last posted, no?
And yes i know i told ganesh ystd that i'm close to abandoning my blog
But whatever. Change of plans, for now. Lol =p
ok, so here we go:
HELP.
seriously i dun get it.
what is with sudden influx of different ppl
ppl who practically stayed dormant for 4 years
and it isn't just one person?
Lord are you planning on testing me again?
On my determination regarding him?
On my faith in Your hand?
Case #1 returned from the past, long long ago past, primary school past.
I have no idea what exactly the underlying thoughts are but it doesn't matter to me.
I'm apathetic.
Case #2 whom i managed to re-let into my life since i'm no longer so busy i suppose. we will always be the way we are, great frens! i doubt it's even an issue, if not because dear Case #4 brought it into the spotlight. But whatever, it ISN'T an issue.
Case #3 who has been arnd for really long, and who has done the most and is probably the most clearcut case, but somehow is still just a no. I'm almost as apathetic about this one as with Case #1, unfortunately, i apologise, I feel almost nothing.
Moving on to Case #4. This one is the real issue. The similiarties are uncanny. The differences are actually good. i'm comfortable, happy, everything positive. BUT. i have no idea and perhaps i don't wanna know either what's the atmosphere like on the other end. Call it unknown waters, fear of storms or just plain not wanting to leave the shore, whatever. This one could make me break free, but do i wanna break free, and am i gonna let myself? In any case, things have to be taken SLOW.
And then i had another dream.
You came. I saw you.
Without those barriers, when you came over, i fell all over again.
Only you have been able to make me fall this way
And yea though i feel as though i feel naught now
All that seeing, feeling, touching and hearing painted last night
Made me see
That all you have to do
Is do that thing you do
And i'd be back in your arms again
Why?
Sometimes i hate you to the core
Sometimes i'm apathetic
I am no longer that same person
Who would cry for the past
Do you realise
That there are even times when i don't want you?
Why else would that one be an issue?
Why else would that one draw me so much,
Like she draws you to her with her..aura?
But what was all that last night?
I was unsure for days
Even when i told you i was gonna revert back to you
I was still shaky last night before i hit the bed
Still fluctuating, still pondering a change in direction
But why
Did i wake up this morning with such affirmation
That no replacing has actually taken place,
No matter how much i myself am convinced that it has,
That i can drift far away from u, perhaps even further than u wish for?
But even when i no longer seem to have any reminiscence for you
Even when i believe that u no longer have the power to keep me wanting you
Even when your smile, your eyes, your gentle voice, don't seem to matter no more
All you have to do is do that thing you did last night
And all my pride, all my self sufficiency, all my efforts to run away from good
And that hardened heart of mine
Would be melted?
Why?
We lived our close yet still separated lives
You were happy, i was satisfied.
And dun ask me why cos it was just a dream
But in a dream like that one
Even good friends can have arms around each other.
Awoke all of a sudden --
Tried my very best to take you out of the dream
Tried to put case #2 into the context,
Just didn't feel right.
Tried to put case #3 into the context,
Just didn't feel melt.
Tried to put case #4 into the context,
Just didn't turn soft and irrational.
I was convinced,
and even afraid,
that you were starting to become just ordinary to me
but all you did, was do that thing you did
I had a vision that I woke up by your side
I felt you breathing and our souls were intertwined
But who controls love's destiny? Not me.
We had it all right in our hands,
We had the space to fly and still a place to land
So I'm calling out, I'm calling out to the only one
Who can save us from what we've done
Don't leave me hanging on
I'm reaching out and praying you'll come back again
It's just darkness I'm living in
And you're the only place my heart has ever been.
Maybe I'm young and in the ways of love naive
Maybe I'm desperate for a reason to believe
There wasn't any way I thought that we would fall
I've seen perfection in a rainbow in the sky
I've seen a child make the coldest grown man cry
But loving you I thought was greater than them all
We had it all, just you and me
Now there's a doorway to my heart without a key
Damn it.
And it was involuntary dreaming mind you.
<< *take my hand*
6:54 PM
back to the past; *
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