= ||||||||Â rewind |||||| ~~~~~ back.to.our.past ~~~~~ |||||

<< Looking back [#] `-

Monday, July 31, 2006

For No Apparent Reason.

As many memories of u flow,
I know not why they do
Two days ago,
I wondered why i no longer missed u
Not badly at least

I duno why i'm always doing this Lord
Striking deals with u tt are so hard to keep
With the good of someone i love in mind,
With that smile of true joy as motivation,
It still gets painfully agonizing at times
But I guess tts what they call "sacrifice"
And You did it for me too, Jesus.

Two plus weeks of stagnance.
I think i miss u.
I wonder how u are still,
Concerns pop up once in awhile,
But they dun perpetuate much, i believe..

Not one day of the past 270 have u managed to slip.
Not one day of the past 180 have i mananged to sleep.
Not that terribly well, at least.
Not, not with u

FOCUS is the word.
FOCUS i am.
FOCUS i must.
FOCUS i can.

Lord please be my strength
I still believe in u
And i love u for
ALL u do each day =)
U are my all in all.

and maybe, just maybe,
after all this is over,
u will whisper,

"honey, i'm home"

<< *take my hand*
9:39 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Friday, July 28, 2006

Closed

I wish I didn't have to see any of this
I don't enjoy it fyi.

There are a few ppl on my mind now
Each for different reasons
You are most likely one of them too.

Two weeks of stagnance
And a possible two weeks more
If God agrees to the deal
But as long as u find Him thereby
I don't mind anything

My star,
I wonder how you are.
Remember who you are
Per se, and to me.

As for another good friend of mine,
I duno how to tell u
This thing that not just i am concerned about
Someone help me here?
Lord use me as ur mouthpiece if ur will so states

Running for Him,
Working for our future

Now that's what i call motivation

<< *take my hand*
1:21 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Ray of Cold Sunshine

Tausend Fragen drehn sich nur um dich
Was soll ich tun mein Engel
Wann siehst du mich
Ich fleh dich an, denn ganz egal, was ich tue
Du machst die Augen zu, du machst die Augen zu

Focusing bit by bit more.
Still fear in me.
Lord, You heard me
You hear me this time too.

I wanna do well for You
Not for all the other goals that may come therewith
Settle it this once, will You please?
And let me do it all for You at least.

Jesus, You see the fear in us.
Though the fear may vary,
We fear nonetheless if we have You not.

Reflect:
When was the last time i did something for God?
When was the last time i spent time with God,
Just to make God happy instead of for the sake of seeking His help?
When was the last time i hurt God with his words?
When was the last time i chose to do what Jesus would do?
When was the last time i showed God reverence?
When was the last time i showed God how much i love Him
Or thanked Him for simply loving me?
And perhaps also,
If ever, when was the last time i was ashamed of Jesus?

Lord, this love has not ceased,
I believe You are the reason.
Give us grace please,
To last through this season.

I wait in You
Rest in You
Love in You
Believe in You

Be my Best Friend, And You said "I Am"

<< *take my hand*
10:37 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I am Yours

The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne,
who can say when,
But they’ll dance again,
when I am free and finally headed home

Why do you not dare face me?
I understand
We can work things out together
If you'd just let us, my friend.
Step by step, i know we'll get there.

Take security herein,
For this u know and will know is unwavering.
Nothing will ever change that.
Je crois en toi et je t'adore et je t'attends
And i dun care if there's no such word,
as radical as this faith is,
Je t'agape.

We will be stronger than most of the rest will ever be
We will have Him to guide our path
We will live for Him everyday of our [one] life
We will glorify Him with all we share

And when i hold you close,
I'll know it's all true.

<< *take my hand*
9:51 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Monday, July 17, 2006

Whoa.

So many things just keep pouring in.
I should be honored that satan spends so much time on me,
Just trying to trip me so i stumble and fall.
Just look at how many situations arise per day,
It's abnormal.

I'm disappointed with someone.
"Fell out" with someone yesterday,
We were both quite off tangent.
Disputed with another about God.
Sigh as i read someone else's blog.
Heart broken by another.
Neglected by some other.
"Cheated" by another.

It's just not normal.

"In your anger, do not sin"
I must say, Lord i can only do it with ur grace.

And this nose and throat, agony. lol.
Lord please take it away soon.

I must say, Lord you are indeed everything to me.
It's amazing how i can just lie in ur strong arms
And know everything will be fine eventually
Even as oceans rise and thunders roar.

You are why i love

<< *take my hand*
9:41 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Quand l'avenir?

What happens when women walk in faith?
I wanna find out myself.

I'm so tired of messing things up with u..
Communication breakdown today
Ouch.

I wish we could be
The only thing that i can take comfort in
Is that we're not living the future
But the present
And tts why it's like tt.

Sigh,
I know we will get there eventually
But for now,
I've gotta bear with

Not being able to hug u,
Not being able to hold ur hand,
Not being able to lean on u,
Not being able to draw close to u,
Not being able to laugh with u
abt things only we know
Not being able to share ur joy
or to tell u how proud i am of u
Not being able to say gdnite in so many ways
and jtef and jta and hdl and the like
Not being able to say a simple i love u
without adding a "my fren" at the back
Not being able to look deep into ur eyes
and reassure u it'll be fine when u cry
Not being able to comfort u with my presence
or cheer u up just by being next to u
Not being able to make u smile
and turn ur frown into delight
Not being able to address u
the only way by which i used to know
Not being able to be ur
dauphine --
elle sont tres bien, tres bon et tres sympathique
et elle attend

je t'attend
mais ce n'est pas bien jusque je t'attendrai

<< *take my hand*
6:35 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Thankful

Thank you Father.
I duno how to express this thanks in my heart
I never thought You'd take me seriously
When i whispered how great it'd be
If you sent something great that night to me
To lift me up

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
=')

Please keep holding me
Please keep being in control
Please keep being everything to me

Please be ours.

<< *take my hand*
8:51 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

My Victory

Jesus.
You are.
I shall not hate.
Neither.
I shall love in Christ.
Agape.

Take the sinistry away
Take the darkness away
You have installed ur light in me
I will shine for You.

We are not individuals.
You are part of me, and i wish i were part of u.
U go down means i go down.
So we go up together.

Take my hand,
Let's get outta here,
Side by side.
I will never let u go.

All because i love you
And He loves you too.

We can do this together,
If you allowed us to,
Gave us a chance,
and gave Him one too.

And I said forever, to what lies ahead

<< *take my hand*
9:55 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Monday, July 10, 2006

I Hate You ='(

You struggle
And though it hurt me so much
The very nature of your trouble
I wanted things the way you did
Even though i didn

Gave everything i had
Poured it all in
Time, prayer, emotions, love.
And now you say you give up.
And now you say you lose hope.
And now you say forget it.
And now you say
You dun wanna hear me tlkin abt it again.

What am i to do now?
You leave me stranded here again
Walk out on me, leaving a heap of junk behind
And you expect me to handle it, again??
It's not like you even love me after walking out on that freaking problem.

Who am i to you?
Dirt? Junk? Spare? Thing?
WHAT am i to you?

You lament so much
But would u lament for us?
One day, would u?

Would u care if i gave up on u?
When will u put down ur pride?
It's the same with God, with that and with me.
Aren't there things more impt than pride?

How long more do u want me to cry myself to sleep?
This is a person u apparently hold dear mind u.
I wanted to be strong with u.
I wanted us to emerge victorious out of our own situations together.

Why do u have to wreck it everytime?
Satan get the hell out of here.

Jesus, reign.

<< *take my hand*
10:26 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Saturday, July 08, 2006

You first

Jesus why is it so hard
To remain joyful?
A few days
And it comes again
Like a nightmare
That loops and
Never ends.

Could You PLEASE be Messiah to me?
Be the One You say You are
The One who loves unconditionally
The One who satisfies

Sometimes i wonder if i'm just SO close to You
Or am i becoming defiant
That i dare to speak to You so boldly,
You, my King, my Lord, my God, my Father, my Master
But also
You, my Friend, my Bridegroom, my Brother, my Best Friend, my Jesus

I admit. i don't feel like praying. But something tells me i have to
The Holy Spirit, again, as usual, but today it seems harder.
I don't feel like tlkin to anyone at all,
Sometimes not even to Jesus.

Lord You heard what i said to You just now,
I pray tt You just change my heart again
And remind me why i'm even doing this
That You are why i love.

Father,
Please help me to be patient
Please help me to be gentle
Please help me to love You first
And yearn to
Please You first.

As I wait,
May we rise on Eagle's wings.

sometimes it's painful to love you

<< *take my hand*
10:09 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Fall to Dust

I hate reality checks.
But they are all too real to ignore.

So what if u finally confided in me?
So what if u finally felt close for once after 5 months?
So what if i finally could let down all fronts before u?
So what if it seemed we had done away with the facades?
So what if u say all of those things?
So what if i thought u finally knew how i felt?
So what if?
So what?

Now i'm back to dirt.
Watch my dream fall to dust and blow away?
Well, not quite, i'm the dust.

I'm sorry, for saying all i shdn have said.
I'm sorry for even trying.

Here i am, once again,
ohne mich wird es besser fuer dich.
And so i try with every ounce of me,
To give u the kinda life u want,
Without me.

And OH how we ache,
but alas, we can do nothing.

So what if i love u with everything i am?

<< *take my hand*
9:10 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-

Sunday, July 02, 2006

God in Motion

No one else is gonna understand much
Even if i post every single time i'm down now.
Therefore the frequency of posts is expected to decrease drastically.

God in motion.
It's amazing,
But keeps u on the brink at times.

Es tut mir leid dass ich dich soviel mal Weh getan habe.
Aber...soviel als ich versuche, dass nicht zu tun,
Gibt's kein anderes Weg.

Je t'adore, my dear, lala, and all.
Je ne comprehend pas.
and i'm past caring.
Jesus take the wheel.

We'll see where this is going.
We will.
And one day i dun want to be compared to,
But be the basis of comparison.
Love for fencing = ________

Jesus give me STRENGTH.
Jesus give me GRACE.
Jesus give me HOPE.
Jesus give me COURAGE.
PLEASE.

Solitude. Quiet. Environment.
Be His, be mine.
Be his, be Thine.
Be his, be mine.
It's all inter-connected.
Go figure.

to love you with everything i can

<< *take my hand*
10:50 PM

back to the past; *

- ~*~*~*~-