<< Looking back [#] `-
Friday, June 30, 2006
I still love you.
And always will.
If you can be touched that way,
why can't i touch you?
stay alive
<< *take my hand*
12:16 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Hush Now
Don't you cry...
It's words like these that actually send tears gushing
For it's been ages since they would have fallen upon certain ears.
I am not distraught,
I am not shocked,
I am not distressed,
Nor am I freaking worried.
However,
This isn't the way it ought to be.
Everything falls into place now,
I just never used to be sure.
Now I know, but
I'm not sure i really wanted to know after all.
Maybe that's why they say ignorance is bliss.
You shd know how much i care for u
That i'd never think of hurting u
I try to feign ignorance to protect u
But i fear it won't work for long
I dare not
I cannot
I will not
step outside these walls.
Oh Lord, direct my path
Why are u downcast, oh my soul?
Jesus I want You to have no doubt
That i'm head over heels in love with You
Est-ce que tu peux c'accueillir?
forced apathy
<< *take my hand*
10:30 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Decisions
"I am tired of making decisions"
"So you make the decisions now"
----
"Can i decide to undo the decisions that u made in the past?"
"If that can happen, yea i guess"
----
IF only I really had the power to decide.
I'd decide u back, decide to be yours
sigh.
It's the stupid little things.
<< *take my hand*
9:00 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Saturday, June 24, 2006
You
I wld have posted this yesterday,
If not because i cudn last anymore
After surviving the whole day on 2 hours of sleep
Undead, i say.
Anyways,
Yesterday was rather fulfilling.
Met the 3 of them after such a long time
They're all different, in some way,
But thk God it's over.
Thereafter was germies' gathering.
It was good seeing everyone again.
I'm leaving out many details tho.
Details don't matter that much.
Two movies in a day,
Both set one thinking.
Somehow among the many things i draw therefrom,
There are always at least a few centered around u.
And i learn.
UJ's post sets ppl thinking too.
All those who've never experienced it will never know how it feels..
But we do.
No one will ever understand what it feels like to be forced to leave to you
Unless they've had you before, and walked down every single street during that time with u in mind.
Just like I did.
[Go figure..]
Apart from that,
I've something for a close friend here.
A simple word of thanks,
For just staying beside even in the times that u didn noe what to say,
U Just Stayed.
And i appreciate it alot.
I thank God for yesterday,
it made me realise how much certain ppl mean to me
and it made me realise how much i long to be closer
to you, you, you, you and You again.
"I can't wait for monday!"
Don't count on it this time
Gentle souls
<< *take my hand*
4:55 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Friday, June 23, 2006
It's Amazing
It's amazing
Just came back from leaders' retreat
And it was a great time with God indeed
The ways He spoke,
Simply to be still and know that He is God
That He is in control
Assuring, beautiful, priceless
I cry.
It's amazing
We are closer as a family of Christ now
And all those hidden stuff
All known, all prayed for, all supported
But you know what?
The biggest joy
Was being able to say your name in that room
Without any fear, and smile,
Because u are part of me.
It's amazing
How i'm drawn back to my reasons for holding on
Why i struggle through the days just for u
Praying, giving, interceding, waiting
Ashamed for even considering worldly strategies
All i do, that i do for you,
I do out of love.
Love by definition of 1 Corinthians 13
To love purely, out of the overflow of His love
And sadly,
It's amazing
All those excuses
You must have a whole compilation of them
I try and struggle to be understanding each time
But there are limits.
True, i say i will be here always
But don't push it.
Don't take it for granted.
Call it whatever u want.
I'm sian, pissed, irritated, disappointed, disgusted
Whatever.
I force myself to never concede to being tired of u.
I force myself to be loyal each time i find straying appealing.
I choose to be persistent and patient.
I make myself deprived of so much that i need.
Just for commitment's sake..
It gets dry, weary, even difficult so often
With all that u do and all that u say
-cold-cold-cold-WARM-cold-cold-cold-WARM-
It's in times like these that agape has to shine forth again
may God give me the grace, strength, anointing and empowerment.
To keep loving you
<< *take my hand*
11:06 AM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The only way for Destiny
It's still a journey,
And it won't end anytime soon.
It may get difficult at times,
With awkward bends, sharp swerves and shocking turns
But i still hold on to my seat, my Foundation
And let the car called Life steer me along the way...
All these happenings are part of His plan
His good, perfect and pleasing Will
We will.
Just a few words before i go off for retreat,
I'm expecting it to be a good time with God,
Reassurance, peace, new love come therewith.
I'll be waiting to hear from you and You again.
And once again, a reminder that
Nothing has changed
my liege
<< *take my hand*
10:52 AM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Remember
There's a hand here for u to take
Our dream's a reality for u to make
It's ok no matter how little u have to give
Just free ur heart and learn to live
Life may become hard to swallow
Empty, superficial, even shallow
But so what when i've got u and u've got me?
We stand, together, strong as can be
In everything, I promise, you will have me
We can face the world together
<< *take my hand*
9:30 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Monday, June 19, 2006
Disappointment Aftermath
Look at this,
and call it contradiction,
but it really isn't.
Some thoughts from Beth,
Son: "I hate you!"
Mother: "That's good. The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. If you hate me, you still care."
The past few days, i've been looking forward to this one day
So i suppose hearing that it had to be cancelled, again, was kinda heavy coming.
To think i was printing something to give u when that sms arrived. Talk about untimely.
And it's been no help that there's a few wars going on at the same time at home.
Wasted so many tears today.
I didn't really know what to say, so I wrote Jesus a long letter.
He hears, I know He does, just in His timing.
I still believe...yeah.... =)
When I was praying,
He told me one thing:
Be more understanding,
And so I had to be.
It's amazing how He actually supports u instead of me lor. XD
But I dun mind since He's being fair, and i'd rather He show u more favor,
Although in actual fact, that wld be showing me favor too since it's what i want. haha.
I CANT BELIEVE UR PHONE IS DOWN. =(
sigh.
i still wanna go to hc...but if that's the only way, alright, i surrender.
as always, nothing has changed.
you'll always be my #1.
i love you
<< *take my hand*
11:59 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
I HATE YOU.
For making me so hopeful
And at least glad for once in 4 months.
THEN YOU CRUSH IT
like nothing.
I FREAKING HATE YOU.
For hurting me time and time again.
With the most ridiculous things.
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.
For making me love you this way.
SUCH THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SAY I HATE YOU
I still foolishly love you
And I'd give anything for you
<< *take my hand*
12:57 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Delirious
I'm nuts.
Because you make me go so high,
I can no longer rationalise.
Just one smile from u,
after such a long long long time,
and it makes me more drunk than all the wine in the world could.
Intoxication. Due to long-term deprivation.
I need you to make me lose my mind like this,
once in awhile,
then at least i wouldn't be thinking melancholy.
It may not last,
tmr i may slam down to the face of the earth again,
and realise that it was all just a short-lived moment
BUT SO WHAT?
pathetic? at least these "cheap thrills" make me smile.
Show me any other earthly thing that could if u can.
"When i'm with u, i'm on cloud 10 =)"
"Haha u cannot beat me. i'm on cloud 11 lor. =p"
Try being on cloud 12
<< *take my hand*
10:16 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Friday, June 16, 2006
Whatever
First day of rally tonight.
You should have been there to see how God moved.
"你们奉我名无论求什么，我必成就，叫父因儿子得荣耀"
And i believe.
"主，我相信你"
Even as the trip is still on going there,
I believe with all my heart,
That though we see naught,
Spiritual eyes are opening,
The Holy Spirit's presence is moving,
He is thinking, feeling, remembering,
He is hungry, thirsty, needing,
He is being loved, and loving.
There's gonna be some change around here =)
Child-like faith, pure simple belief.
I place my hope in You, Jesus.
You said "Believe me".
I say "I believe".
Let's see ur glory fall.
Matt 18:18
Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Matt 20:4
and to them he said, ‘You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.’
Matt 21:22
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”
Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
John 11:22
But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”
John 14:13
Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
John 15:7
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
John 16:13
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.
John 16:23
In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you.
1 Cor 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Gal 6:7
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
Phil 3:7
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
1 John 3:22
and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.
1 John 5:15
And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.
That's why I can say whatever to the enemy each time he tries to blow me off.
That's why I can say whatever to any who scorn.
That is why, that is why, that is why I believe
That is why I keep the faith,
That is why I wait patiently,
And,
That is why I still love you
<< *take my hand*
12:25 AM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Still Um Uns
I'm quite sure u don't read this.
So it's safe.
Ridiculous.
My heart's where u are.
Haven't done much today without thinking abt u.
Lord, please hear my simple request,
for someone i love.
Random thoughts being thrown in as u can see.
No longer as organized as they wish i'd be.
What order is there since then?
Cynical cynical cynical.
Shouldn't be, but nonetheless.
Thoughts of they
will never work out because they are
as young as
i'm.
I miss being doted upon.
Blueberry muffins, grand piano, pancakes, water bottle, and whatnot.
Although i never really needed to have them,
Just the thought that it was in ur thoughts is the best reward.
I'm supposed to be smiling.
Well i am.
But can't a girl miss a loved one once in awhile?
It's been 4 months since. Feels like just yesterday
when your warmth still embraced me and you
held my hand and promised not the world but that
we would face the world together with whatever
little we had.
when i lived reality like a dream.
when i had u
to cheer me up and take care of
me when i fell
ill.
Oh well. =)
If He decides to do things according to that prayer from long ago,
I may not be going to hc after all...
But what does it matter, as long as He gives u ur blessings accordingly
and you find such favor in His eyes..
That beats it all, all the glory, the joy, the satisfaction, the opportunities.
You mean more than all that put together.
Comprehends-tu?
ich habe nichts mehr zu geben,
denn ich habe dir schon alles gegeben
undeserving
i am
take my dreams, take my plans
all the glory to You is due
my Hope, nothing without You
i am
"s[he]'s the only one i can see myself loving"
then shouldn't u be the one who understands best?
<< *take my hand*
9:56 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Ich stehe hier im Regen
"The more u like someone, the harder it is to say goodbye"
sounds so innocent. if only.
the implications are one too many.
i've stringed together my own symphony,
or so i thought it was. aber
jetzt ist es still um uns.
to be honest,
this stagnance makes me restless.
I visited our place again today.
The chair's back where it was.
I see u turning around at the gate as u did that day.
I see ur smile, as we crossed that overhead bridge.
I see u waiting patiently for my return.
I see u, u and me.
Sorry for Dendritic reactions, i'm sorry.
But i'll admit that i miss u.
If it doesn't do any earthly good at all,
then at least it may serve to boost ur ego.
sigh, but then again ur not that kinda person.
what kinda person are u?
I know a lot more now, but i duno enough.
I wanna know u so much more.
I wanna be the one who knows u best.
I want u to be the one who knows me best.
I want us to know us best.
Take care as u go tmr,
I know ul be fine anyway,
But that's the closest i can get to showing concern for u.
I hate myself sometimes,
for doing all the things i shouldnt have done,
and not doing all the things i should have.
If only I had one more chance,
I'd make it fully worth the while.
Not too little, not too much, just the way u like it.
Duno how to express this to u.
Und nur du kannst mich heraus bringen. Lass mich nicht hier allein.
Ich will dass du mich behütest
Btw, to everyone who's keeping things from me,
i'd appreciate it if u just be braver and stop doing that.
Even if ur rationale if protection,
I really dun tink this is the way to do it.
And to all who wanna know, final decision --- Yes
tell me how can i tell u that i love u more than life
<< *take my hand*
10:31 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Monday, June 12, 2006
True Love Never Dies?
Oui, today i'm not gonna exceed 5 sentences.
Do whatever you want with me.
Keep things from me, mess with my mind,
leave me numb and unable to cry anymore.
It's ok for I still have the joy of the Lord.
Although nothing has changed nonetheless,
just don't miss the train to the north pole.
You are my happiness
<< *take my hand*
10:11 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Get Behind Me
so much. all the while, i protect.
but what about now?
who's gonna protect me?
I know that Jesus is all i need,
but every other child of God has Jesus too
yet they have people protecting them nonetheless.
i'm so scared tt ur gona hurt me again.
u hv as much ability to do tt as u hv to heal.
now i stare at this, looking, afraid.
there's something i don't know.
but if i happen to know in the future,
i won't dare to even if i try to.
i'm sorry. broken hearts can't [afford to] break again.
lol the depressing song in the background doesnt really help either.
u lahh. i really duno what ur doing sometimes.
there are things i dun understand,
and the things u do to me..sigh.
but it doesn't change a thing.
it began to pour some 4 months ago,
but the sun will come out again one day,
because as Jesus calmed the storm in the presence of his disciples that day,
so will he calm our rain.
await showers of blessings.
ET come home!!!
heart -- fully occupied
room for no one else
<< *take my hand*
8:01 AM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Jusqu'à notre prochaine rencontre
This is just so complicated.
But then again, it may very well be simpler than i could ever imagine.
I'm tempted to do an anagram just like the one on uj's blog but i shall not.
Maybe i will later if i get driven by desperation enough.
If only you were around Beth, lol, i can just see u shaking ur head already. =p
Today has been relatively slack. I feel guilty.
I did French and advanced German and everything except homework. =(
After the hol lessons, i've got chem, lit, maths and chinese left to do.
next 2 weeks gotta chiong i guess. but monday's reserved, and tuesday's out with mummy.
that leaves a little less time i guess. jiayoux phoebe. XD
Aujourd'hui tu me manques
Just a little lah...
I guess..
<< *take my hand*
10:28 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I Will Sing
My King, this is my worship unto You.
My joy, my smiles amidst waiting and praying.
I find it easier to love people again =)
I love loving people (as in with God's love) .
I'm glad to say, i'm succeeding in forcing myself to cope.
After all, this is how it's gonna be like, for quite awhile.
There are still some of those quiet moments, where no one but God sees,
But He knows when it happens, so, i guess it's alright since He's in control.
Lesson of the Day: Do not listen to sad songs that special people send to u when ur alone, especially on a day with such nice weather, it's perfect to spend with someone.
Beth's at camp today. Til Friday. ARGH. lol.
Speaking of which, OMGOODNESS BETH U R ULTIMATE LAH.
*refers to particular picture* XD
Well school was quite fulfilling today though.
I get moved in the strangest ways by my dear A4.
Besides that, now that the "self-proclaimed to be unbeatably shuai" uj has piano lessons nearby once in awhile, met him for a snack. hmm.
ich hab 'ne Frage: was it post-lunch or pre-dinner? =p
I find myself questioning the credibility of premature "love" excessively nowadays.
Cynical? Skeptical? Overly protective and cautious?
Perhaps,
or maybe just....______go figure.
I WANNA SHOUT OUT LOUD HOW MUCH I STILL DO
but you don't hear me. you don't hear my heart.
jtef, hdl.
<< *take my hand*
11:27 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Say Goodbye
I've never been broken so many times consecutively before.
But i'm back up again.
Still have that hope, still have that faith, still have that love.
"But the greatest of these is love."
It is indeed the hardest thing to say, to say goodbye.
I cherish u. Your smile, is still the most beautiful.
Be happy, spread ur wings and fly. I wanna see u free and soaring.
Just remember.
I'll be here to catch u if u ever search for a place of rest.
I don't really know what to say to you,
so unless you find this here, much will be left unsaid.
and since true love never dies,
and true love never fails,
you will find me largely unmoved if u ever look back.
heart unmoved by anyone else & unmoved -- still at the same position
u will always be my #1. and even if things appear different down the road,
u will never be replaced.
If you come home one day, you will find a cup of 70degrees C warm tea on the table,
me in the kitchen.
i agape you
Side-note:
Never Had A Dream Come True and Say Goodbye were both sung by S Club 7.
<< *take my hand*
9:52 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Cry Joyful
oxymoron? no larh. not at all.
so much has happened over the past few months
and i find myself smiling the days away in sch
only to return to that sullen self when the bustle of life fades away each day.
now that's totally pointless.
i've loved people all my life. by that i mean all people.
if you know me personally, uv probably been "loved" by me in one way or another.
but after incidents and accidents pour in,
that flame slowly grows dim..till it's only left with a bare spark.
now i feel like i'm losing "myself" when that happens.
main point of clarification:
as i wait, i shall be joyful.
that is my heart's cry.
i wanna make a difference through the unconditional joy that Jesus gives me.
i want ppl to see the difference when they look at me.
and to be able to speak the words of Paul,
and also say, to Jesus be all the glory.
i've only let myself be completely broken before 3 people all this while.
if you're one of them, smile =) haha, cos i guess u cud say ur especially trusted.
but i'm gonna try from now on to shine my true joy in front of u guys e most too.
Beth, i'm glad ur still around. i tink i wld hv been devastated if u heeded what u were told. but life wld still have had to go on, tho i'd be faced with the decision of following u or my heart and spirit. thank God they're all in line with each other. we'll probably be faced with these stuff again somewhere within the next 10 years, but i hope we'll face it and tide thru it side by side. n hey, i still wanna see u in white more than once ok. (once will be 10 years later, the other will be..hmm...whenever u decide. GO FIGURE =p) geez i tink crypticism's becoming an integral part of our communication. anyways, *hugs*.
sogar wenn ich unter Traenen aufgewackt bin,
gebe ich mein Alles fuer Jesu
<< *take my hand*
9:39 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Saturday, June 03, 2006
This I Swear...
Helped out at Wei Ping and Christina's wedding today.
It was truly an experience.
White. Flowers. Candles. Sunshine.
Smiles. Almond Jelly. Fruit Punch. Confetti.
Rings. Veils. Vows. Promises.
Wei Ping is one person i really respect.
For many different things,
be it the way he spurred himself on academically
and made it more than worth his while eventually,
or the way he cast aside the things he had that others all wished for
simply to serve the God he loved.
But today, i saw another side of him which i respect deeply.
Courage that leads to true joy. "That of 'finally' " in his eyes.
As he sang that song for Christina and they hugged thereafter,
it almost rekindled my belief in the existence of true love.
Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. We'll see.
What Beth said today was really encouraging.
"that's based on the past and present, not the future."
And the future is in God's hands, is it not?
"I don't know how to tell u all this,
That it's all gonna be fine one day,
And actually make you believe.
That you'll find rest, peace, joy from within.
All the words you shout at me,
Pierce but i will not cry
Because someday we'll see His goodness and faithfulness.
Though you may not understand now,
I know that somehow, we'll be standing there,
Thanking all these ppl who made a difference,
On that day.
And I will be holding your hand,
reassuring you once again."
Author and Finisher of my faith, I wait for You.
Come quick, 10 years later, come.
<< *take my hand*
8:28 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-
Friday, June 02, 2006
My heart will sing Your song
nonetheless. =)
I'm grateful that i learn new things each day, even through the painful times.
I've learnt what's agape, and how to give agape.
I've learnt the beauty of a soul.
I've learnt that true love waits for it is patient, forgives, is not self-seeking.
I've learnt that my hope lies in Him alone.
I know that God always keeps His promises.
I know that love never fails.
I know that faith in Christ can move mountains.
I know i'll see your face smiling upon me again one day.
By God's grace.
Today i wanna thank a few ppl.
Beth. for EVERYTHING. the listening, the hugs, the support, the CARDS!!, the smiles, the psychologist analysis, the ability to understand all the weirdness, oddness, crypticism and unfortunately, cynicism. Your the bestest best friend and sister i could ever ask for. consultant, pianist, planner and all too. haha =) love u always! thank you for letting me know i can count on u always.
Oreo. u are really one of the best (and cutest) listeners i've ever come across. thank you for always trying to make me smile =) (and u succeed most of the time btw) u dun have to say much to brighten up my most painful of days. thank you for being the one who catches all my tears.
Jamie. i duno larhh woman. i just trust u. trust u so much that i can break in front of u and just drop that strong front when it gets too heavy. i dun regret one bit believing in u all the way since sec 2. i wanna see u keep growing too! =) thank you for just being there.
Addy. the way i've seen God move in your life is absolutely amazing my dear prayer buddy =) do not get urself into anything ok =p but well, just thank you for being willing to spend so long just tlking abt it.
Alina. Thank you for not believing because u were worried about me, and thank you for hearing me out and believing eventually.
Sister Ling. Thank you for all the hugs, prayer calls, encouragements and advice. and for just being there each time.
Kin Onn. Thank you for trying to believe.
UJ. I duno what to say to u man. XD but thick and thin, friends =) u surprise me alot with the things u do and say, but all in all, thank you for trying not to be cynical and sending songs to make me cry, but basically just for being u and bothering to listen to the whining. even though ur so terribly egoistifed with ur apparent shuai-ness, du steinst! =p *i love the grafitti*
Daryl. DARLIERAEEENIUNIU. lol. Thank you for the quotes, for listening to the excessive conversations about one constant subject matter and still not deserting me totally. guess what? we're still tlking! =p
Fab. speechless before u. u never left once, did u? i'm sorry for the times i neglected u my friend so much. u are a true brother in Christ. i duno how to express my gratitude, so i'll just try with *hugs*. thank you for always never leaving, always waiting up.
Sharyl. Thank you for being the bright spark, the one who tells me never to give up, the one who gets so excited, it excites me too! =p
Shern. Thank you for always wanting to listen. I'm sorry abt the times i could have done better as a friend. I will listen k? ul always be in my prayers =) n i love u sister!
Zoey. Amazing larh u. the way we got to noe each other is just WEIRD, but it doesnt matter, i love u anyways. haha =) take care of urself k? n dun forget that i care and Jesus does too! here's to our friendship *cheers* =D Thank you for the call, the smses, the tags, the truths, the insights, the forgiveness, the promises.
and last but most of all,
Jesus. I love you Lord!! You're my BESTEST pal and ur the one who knows me the best. nothing will EVER change that. Thank you for interceding before the Father, for knowing my pains and living through them with me. You never once gave up on me, and u promised me so many beautiful things too, i can never express my gratitude enough. You are my #1 on top of my #1. =) I will serve u all the days of my life and bring God glory because i love u with everything i am. You are everything to me. You saw my mistakes, watched my heart break, heard when i swore i'd never love again. Heartache-Healer, Secret keeper, be my best friend.
and btw, thank U too. i'd never have learnt so much without u. nothing has changed.
<< *take my hand*
8:53 PM
back to the past; *
- ~*~*~*~-