<< Looking back [#] `-
Friday, February 17, 2006
Have you ever come across someone so stubborn, she tells her Father:
Daddy, I know You want what's best for me, but I don't need the best option.
As long as I can have ..... I don't mind even if that's 2nd best, or 3rd best, or 4th best.
Because that's the one that I love.
And some people may say, who on earth would be so dumb?
Well, you're reading the words of someone that dumb.
I'm supposed to have gotten over that by now. I'm honestly alright most of the time, but I'll admit; there are times when it gets way too much to handle. Everything from the past comes back to haunt me -- all that made up my most beautiful and pleasant dreams, are now what leaves me waking from nightmares, soaked in tears and cold sweat. However hard I try, something still holds me back. Too much reminds me of it, and blame it on my dendrites or simply my weak heart, but somehow I see shadows of what used to be in so many things around me. Too much just links back to it all.
And when dawn breaks, with the awakening by that daily alarm clock which pulls me from my slumber, comes the awakening by that daily reminder of how it's all gone now, which pulls me from my little dream world.
As I watch everything of the past drift further and further into the horizon, and watch the harsh situations that unfold before me each day, I don't know what to live by. "Love is patient, love is kind"? Do I still hold on to that and give, and give, and hope, and wait, and refuse to give up? Or is it time to let go? If so, how?
Everytime I see these things that are all so familliar to me, a sense of unfamilliarity pervades my heart.
That is, the unfamilliarity of the distance and the forbidance that those things now connote.
And now it's my turn to wish I could be free.
But if I am free, would you be?
<< *take my hand*
8:23 PM
back to the past; *
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