<< Looking back [#] `-
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
4 weeks! *pops confetti*
Lol only 2 or 3 ppl i know will get the reason for my "celebration", but it's ok. =)
Today wanted to chiong chinese, but the email containing it somehow nvr reached me. i think hotmail's getting cranky again. -.- but thkew so much lizzy =) and well, no chinese, it's ok. today chiong maths. lol. then i'll probably go read Miller again later.
Today I wana thank God for the following, in no particular order:
*Yihui enjoyed her camp.
*Lizzy's gona enjoy her mission trip =)
*Alina didn get all that lost eventually. =p
*Su Ern's finally learning to be independant and travelling to Australia herself. *grins*
*The AF is all well and alive.
*Jerlyn came back from India safely.
*The Lighters had a fruitful time in Manila... some even brought back christmas trees =p
*CIA is coming, Usher Retreat planning is finally on e track too.
*Germies and everything abt them
*Sisterhooders =)
*Speedlight
*4A4 '06
*UJ for listening and helping and brain-frying [danke Bruder] =)
*"Quirky/touchy/weird/drama/mixed up but still mine" family
*My future world-travelling/malamute-raising/tea-sipping/wine-making/IR partner =)
=Thank you Lord for everything=
and shoutouts for random ppl:
Lizzy: Somehow ur always 1st to noe. lol. love ya sister. =)
Suern: Don't play w birds over there. =p take care of urself too. *trying nt 2 nag* love ya too! =)
La prunelle de mes yeux: Je t'adore! haha. =)
<< *take my hand*
1:31 PM
back to the past; *
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Some may wonder, why i risked "us" by saying that.
Some may question, if it was worth it.
It's like placing ur two most precious treasures on a weighing scale.
I'm sorry if i start offending ppl with my language, but verdammte, kann ich es NICHT MEHR ERTRAGEN.
I know i wanna spend the rest of my life by the side of this person. But...
I know how much this person means to me. But...
I know that i wldn be happy without this person. But...
I know that never in my life will i find anyone like this person. But...
But what, u ask?
But I love my Lord Jesus Christ.
Because of what He has done, and who He is.
Because the very fact that I even have this person in my life, is by God's grace.
Because without Him, I would be lost, and driven to desperation.
Then why can't I make a firm decision?
The reason, is that because I love him, I want him to have Him in his life and experience His goodness and His love and His guidance too.
I want him to know how much He loves him and how long He has been waiting for him.
I want him to experience why I love Him so much and someday love Him too, perhaps.
But the last thing I wld ever wana do is put pressure on him. Because tts not He wld want either.
So all I can do now, is hide in a corner, and pray, and cry, and love.
Lord he is so special to me, please don't take him away from me.
<< *take my hand*
12:02 AM
back to the past; *
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
tired. tired. tired.
tired of running after goals that seem so far away.
tired of dreaming dreams that seem unrealistic
tired of hearing words that discourage even more
tired of waiting for people who never ever knew.
tired of hovering in this grey area
tired of thinking of what to say, what to do.
tired of coaxing myself into believing in the impossible.
and for goodness sake, i'm tired of being so tired like that.
trying to be as small as possible.
<< *take my hand*
4:19 PM
back to the past; *
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Thank God that Babelfish is all crappy. cos there's a reason why ppl blog in GERMAN sometimes. -.- well what's happened has happened. so... macht nix.
everything is pretty much weird now... but 4get abt it.
Choir concert! it was great =) tt guy from SYC seriously has a great voice. he's probably pitch perfect too. argh. that's the kind of voice that can make girls faint. =p other than that, dinner was pretty much short actually. nvr really got a chance to do wat i wanted to. n then daryl swished out a deck of cards. lol. my throat was kinda killing me throughout the whole thing though. n someone 4got to bring honey water. =p [no connotations here btw. haha.] thank God my murderous mood didnt get the better of me...or else LEE TING WEI would have died. can't believe he was actually so scared that he didnt dare to enter the audi. >.<
Today i woke up with a fever and totally swollen tonsils, so i didn go to church. had a nice chat with God in the morning though. was good. =) Hopefully i can "ren" until tonight before i do what i wana do.
Jesus You are my refuge in times of hardship, my solace when the world comes against me, my light in the darkness, my lamp that shines light onto my path, my guide that leads me through all. Your blessings and promises are new everyday. I love you Lord. =)
<< *take my hand*
1:14 PM
back to the past; *
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
Back from Germies Sleepover...and argh i'm beat. Slept at 3am...talked halfway through the night with yihui. that was good. haven't done so in a LONG while n i must say tt she's a great listener. haha. thx sister. =) Thx for opening up ur house to us too. il continue to be here if u need u start DYING to show someone SOMETHING. =p n for everything else too. hab dich lieb!
Besides Yihui, thank you UJ. This whole thing is like a mess, though it's a mess that doesn't seem that bad all e same. I agree with alot u say... but the decision just doesn't lie with me anymore. Ich danke Gott auch viel fuer ihn... er macht mir auf jeden Fall Froh... und vielleicht... nur vielleicht... aber ich weiss trotzdem nicht. manchmal fuehle ich mich auch, dass er mein Leben komplett macht... sowieso... kann man nix tun, wenn er nix tut. Danke, UJ, dass du immer dabei bist. das ist schon genug, so ein Freund von dir kommt auch nicht einfach. hdl =)
und du. du, der ich dein Name nicht sagen kann. das ist noch eine Traumheit von meiner. es macht mir immer Froh, wenn du froehlich bist, und natuerlich wenn du so ganz suess bist... aber na ja. du sagst immer nix. das ist aber schwer. weisst du sogar, was ich denke und was ich mich fuehle? hast du sogar EINMAL darueber gedacht? ich weiss nicht. also... hier schreibe ich dieses sowas, aber du wirdst es sowieso niemals lesen. ich vertraue jetzt nur in Gott. und wenn du etwas willst, sag mal... sonst werde ich nie wissen... ich wollte das nicht sagen, aber ich vermisse dich, so viel... und ich weiss auch nicht, wenn ich dich lieb... ich weiss wirklich nicht. nicht. ich behandele dich bis auf weiteres als einen meiner gute Freunden... und nur so. hdl. =]
Lord thank You for all the people in my life. I know You have a reason for every soul that You have placed before me. I will treasure all the people around me, whether i have known them for 3 weeks, or 5 years, doesn't matter that much anymore. Cos I love them all.
<< *take my hand*
4:22 PM
back to the past; *
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
This IS the day that MY Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.
moi?
oui.
and that was it.
In nothingness, there lies a maroon nano box.
It's hardness and firmness i cannot understand
All i know is that therein lies my precious golden crystals
glowing, the very thing the darkness shall engulf, for as long as it can.
If only everyone listened with their hearts instead of with their ears.
Then someone who does wouldn't be so special...too special.
2 people, 2 weeks, 2 friends.... 2 much.
<< *take my hand*
8:47 AM
back to the past; *
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Thursday, November 10, 2005
ah ok i know this is like a bit slow...but this is e last major thing that happened to me...so here i'm posting abt it.
Humanities in Celebration (HIC). how on earth did i get myself into it? *looks at laiyee*
well it was an enriching experience and i must say that iv reaped totally unexpected gains from this whole thing. lol. iv had quite a behind-the-scenes view of this event. with the OS struggling with his inner self not to pull his hair =p, the emcee of Litterae Humaniores being obsessively repetitive with his praises, the student host of MG lamenting how evil his "newly acknowledge school" is due to the lack of chicken drumsticks being so ever kindly offered to him...not to mention a certain guy with an amusing affinity with trays...plastic and silver alike..and that the quartet was playing Canon at a certain point in time. amusing. well over here, id just like to express my heartfelt gratitude to the organizing student comm, led by Master Im[p]. =p
Laiyee and i both had perspective changes. how unsurprising. well the whole thing was good anyways. =)
other than HIC, something else that has to be said. WHY are so many ppl getting addicted to "Numa Numa Iei"?! Not that it's a bad thing...but why is it like...quote yihui: "e hottest thing that hit earth next to global warming" ?? lol.
*slides back into chair*...im feeling terribly lazy today. someone make me move.
<< *take my hand*
9:33 AM
back to the past; *
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